It is okay to feel… Have more than one abortion

It is okay to have more than one abortion. It is not uncommon to have multiple abortions. . About half of the women in the USA with an abortion, have had one previously. In England and Wales, about 37% of the abortion procedures were consecutive (2014).

That it is not uncommon, doesn’t mean it is widely accepted. You can beat yourself about it, . Try to remember that it can happen, and it is okay. And that you again have the right to terminate the pregnancy, as well.

Be kind to yourself!

D.’s Abortion story

The first time I got pregnant I immediately knew for sure: I have to get this out. Early on, I realized that I was pregnant: my body just knew. I took a pregnancy test and yes, pregnant. I was still sitting on the toilet with the test in my hand when I googled the word abortion. I had to wait another 5 days; in the Netherlands there is a legally required waiting period. It felt disrespectful, as if the government knew better than me whether I was sure. That waiting part was the worst for me; there was something growing inside of me that I didn’t want. It felt like I was sick. The only thing going through my head was: it has to come out. After the abortion, I was especially relieved.

For me, the biggest barrier was not to have the abortion, but to tell my family. Once I did that, it was easy to tell others, too. I want to make the subject easier to talk about. Getting pregnant can happen, even if you’re careful. I didn’t want to feel ashamed or hide my experience.

And yet that’s what I did when I got pregnant again six months later. I didn’t understand , I had been careful, right? Later I heard that after a pregnancy – so also after an abortion – you are extra fertile due to all the hormones. That must have had something to do with it. I was shocked; I didn’t understand, I was angry with myself, I was ashamed, I was upset and confused. I still didn’t want a child, I’m not religious, but for a moment the thought even crossed my mind: is this a message from above? Am I supposed to have a child?

This time I found it much more difficult to make a choice. I was so confused that I needed more time to make a decision. In the end I came to the same conclusion as six months before: I didn’t want a child. I didn’t want to be pregnant. I chose an abortion, and I’m still glad I did. But the shame remained. I knew a few other people who also had an abortion once, but none who had had two. It felt like failure; like I was stupid. I didn’t dare to tell people because I was afraid that they would judge me. Because I judged myself.

I did speak out about abortion and wanted to help break the taboo, but I was afraid to share this. That bothered me more and more; it can happen to anyone; sex is simply not 100% safe. Getting pregnant twice or more can also happen. That’s why I slowly started sharing it. With good friends, and slowly with more and more people. Until one day I decided I was tired of being ashamed of it.

I was invited to a TV program as an ‘experience expert’ about abortion, and I decided: now is the time. In that TV broadcast I told my story, that I had an abortion not once, but twice, so the whole world could know. Taking that step has helped me a lot. After the broadcast, a woman from the camera crew approached me. She said: I’ve had three. I had created a space for her to share her story. In that moment, I knew I had done the right thing.

I can now say that the shame is largely gone. I’m not mad at myself, I’m at peace with it. And hopefully by sharing it, I can break the taboo a bit.